“Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability.”
--Sam Keen
--Sam Keen
Okay since the summer blockbusters have started rolling out here is a quick hit of all the movies that I am interested in or think will be total failures this summer. Let’s look….but please note this is not an end all be all list of good and shitty movies there is always that surprise movie that catches you off guard, but if you want to challenge me on this, comment away. This should serve as conversation starter.
Good:
- Year One (6/19): Jack Black and Michael Cerra in a History of the World Pt. I style of comedy
- The Orphan (7/10): It is Carrie meets The Shining in little creepy little girl form. A rare horror movie with a plot, and the girl is very, very creepy.
- Night at the Museum II: Escape from the Smithsonian (5/22): The first one was very cute and the majority of the cast of the first film returns in a bigger museum, probably one of the better family movies this summer.
- Up (5/29): Pixar’s summer movie has been getting great reviews and looks absolutely adorable. How can you not like crotchety old men and talking dogs?
- The Brothers Bloom (5/29): A comedy con movie, with a great cast including, Adrien Brody, Rachel Weisz, Mark Ruffalo and Hagrid (Robbie Coltrane).
- The Boat That Rocked (8/28): A film that looks loosely based on Radio City the 1960s offshore Pirate Radio station. This is also a brilliantly cast film, starring the likes of Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Bill Nighy and Nick Frost. The director also called this film a romantic comedy for guys. Though most critics have panned this film, I think it shows great promise, especially for music lovers.
- Bruno (7/10): Putting this in the good category shocked even me, because I hated Borat. This looks like it has some hilarious promise.
- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (7/15): Dark and wizardy, these films have gotten progressively better from the Chris Columbus disaster pieces that signified the first two films.
- District 9 (8/14): The directorial debut of Neill Blomkamp and produced by Peter Jackson, this is sci-fi film with an interesting social justice twist, dealing with Apartheid in an out of this world manner. The social justice and morality spin of this film should be able to do things that Star Trek could not accomplish.
The Sleepers and Dark Horses:
- The Proposal (6/19): This movie has the possibility to be dreadful, but Sandra Bullock has the ability to save stupid and predictable plots by her great acting, and she looks to have some great on screen chemistry with Ryan Reynolds. Not to mention Betty White clearly has zero inhibitions at her age.
- Drag Me to Hell (5/29): The first horror movie of the summer should set the bar at a decent height with its interesting plot (woman getting cursed) and looks to be well written, but as always trailers can be deceiving.
- Post Grad (8/21): Alexis Bleidel is really starting to develop as an actress and this could be an interesting romantic, date movie, given the relevance of college students not being able to find work anymore. But a stereotypical rom-com plot could make this a snoozer.
- The Time Traveler’s Wife (8/14): Eric Bana’s third of five movies to come out this year, runs the risk of being a phone-in job. But the book comes highly recommended and that could translate to on screen success. Then again, the movie rarely stacks up to the book.
- My Sister’s Keeper (6/26): This one probably has the most promise out of this group, but it could fail by being a preachy adaptation of another bestseller dealing with overcoming the suffering of dealing with a dying loved one. Very "Tuesdays With Morrie." A wealth of talent (Alec Baldwin, Abigail Breslin and Cameron Diaz) should help this film’s cause. I recommend if you see this movie in theaters bring sunglasses and tissues so you can hide the fact that you were bawling during the better portion of this movie.
- Public Enemies (7/1): Nothing goes better with the Fourth of July weekend like gangster film starring Johnny Depp as one of America’s greatest anti-heroes, John Dillinger. Again a great cast, (Depp, Christian Bale and Marion Collitard) will help this movie beef up its ticket sales. But I see there being a definite risk in the quality of the plot courtesy of Michael Mann’s directing and choice to yet again shoot the film in digital, when this film clearly deserves a grainier touch given that it is a period piece biopic.
- All Good Things (7/24): I dunno a mix of so-so actors (Kirsten Dunst, Ryan Gosling) and great ones (Frank Langella, Jeffrey Dean Morgan) mixed into a reality based murder mystery makes for a very possible, “meh” of a movie.
- Funny People (7/31): This movie looks like a blend of Adam Sandler’s talents as a comic and dramatic actor. It has the desperate feel of Reign Over Me, with the comic feel of Punch Drunk Love or Click. The only problem, it is a Judd Apatow movie and Seth Rogan might just compete a little too much with Sandler to make this movie a great one. But the premise is intriguing. Oh and Eric Bana is in this one too.
- Julie & Julia (8/7): While Julia Childs lead an interesting life, I dunno that a movie about a woman trying recreate everything in her cookbook “Mastering the Art of French Cooking,” would make for a good movie, despite Meryl Streep’s best efforts of course.
- Shorts (8/7): Robert Rodriguez is making yet another family movie, with some interesting names participating in the film including, James Spader, Jon Cryer and William H. Macy. A movie about wish making gone awry in suburbia could be fun and provide a great social commentary or fall flat on its face.
- Inglorious Bastards (8/21): Tarantino has been working on this movie for years. There are a lot departures from his usual work, he is dealing with a completely new cast, so don’t look for Michael Madsen, Uma Thurman, or any of his other regulars. There will still be gratuitous amounts of violence, bordering on torture-pornography (a subject of much interest for Tarantino). Simply put this movie has a lot of boom or bust potential.
Shit
- Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (6/12): John Travolta needs to retire from films and stick to being one of the many wealthy poster-boys for the Church of Scientology. Even the big name cast cannot save this train-wreck of a movie; yes the pun was intended there.
- Land of the Lost (6/5): Nothing will top the show and Will Ferrell makes no sense as the lead role here.
- G-Force (7/24): There are so many problems with this movie. First, Jerry Bruckheimer needs to stop making movies with Disney, because now he cannot even quit while he is ahead. Second, Disney needs to realize there is no appeal in watching cute CG animal secret agents save the world, if I wanted that I would watch Agent Cody Banks and I don’t want to do that. Third, Nicholas Cage? Really? Finally, I hate seeing funny people like Will Arnett and Tracy Morgan waste their talent doing children’s movies because the money is great, why don’t people realize how much of a career killer that is? Just look at Eddie Murphy.
- Halloween 2 (8/28): There is no need to ruin the first one by making a second one; it just won’t live up to the standards. Don’t get greedy Rob Zombie.
- Final Destination: Death Trip 3D (8/28): OH MY GOD WHY?!?!?!? This movie franchise hasn’t been good since the first one. How many teens have to die before people realize this, just because it is in 3-D does not mean it will be good. At least Halloween 2 will look better because of this piece of garbage.
- Goose on the Loose! (8/21): Who knew Chevy Chase was still making movies. All the same I would rather stay home and read “Because of Winn Dixie.” Most parents should follow that decision and steer clear of this one, plus reading doesn’t rot the brain so much, and trust me this one will liquefy the mind from sheer boredom.
- Transformer’s Revenge of the Fallen (6/24): The first one was the worst, highest grossing movie EVER made. I guess Michael Bay’s rationale behind making this film is that his directorial career has hit rock bottom and he can only go up from here, even though he is still somehow making money hand over foot. When will people learn to stop supporting this bad habit? Although if you want to watch a good Transformers movie, I recommend Transforminators.
- The Hangover (6/5): All the publicity in the entire world could not save this movie from being a train wreck. I recommend just watching Very Bad Things, which looks to be the exact same movie, just made 11 years earlier.
- Dance Flick (5/22): Something has to keep the Wayans brothers occupied I guess, since none of them have any talent anymore.
- My Life in Ruins (6/5): Mama Mia meets every other fucking Romantic comedy ever.
- Imagine That (6/12): When was the last Eddie Murphy made a good movie…really?
- Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (7/1): Pointing out the errors in their timeline would be just too pretentious of me. But seriously these movies need to die like the dinosaurs, and this movie may just be the gigantic asteroid that does it. The squirrel thing is still cute though!
- I Love You Beth Cooper (7/10): Chris Columbus strikes out yet again and Hayden Panettiere plays another cheerleader (don't save her this time, please). If I wanted to watch a nerd try and date the “hot girl” then I would watch…I dunno any other teen comedy ever made.
- The Ugly Truth (7/24): An ugly rom-com. The plot goes like this, pig-man pisses of single attractive white female. SAWF falls in love for pig-man. Something bad happens, movie ends with happy kiss. This is the real inconvenient truth…(see what I did there?)
- The Came From Upstairs/Aliens in the Attic (7/31): They haven’t even decided on a title yet, why bother see it.
- G. I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (8/7): The only bright spot is Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander. Why must they destroy so much of my youth? At least it wasn’t made by Michael Bay.
- When in Rome (8/7): The guy who is responsible for Daredevil and Ghost Rider tries his hand at romantic comedy. This either means he was kicked out of the action film director's club, or he is trying to destroy another film genre that is already on shaky legs.
- Bandslam (8/14): Lisa Kudrow and High School Musical make for an annoying and unfortunate combo.
- The Goods: The Don Ready Story (8/14): A lack-luster cast and a plot about a struggling used car salesman, makes me think this movie is a lemon.
- A Perfect Getaway (8/14): From the director who brought you Pitch Black come another piece of crap about scared tourists being hunted down by their tour guides in the rough and tumble wilderness of…Hawaii? Really? Hmmm okay…
All Photos courtesy of Wikipedia
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